Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Randomize
