I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize