I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
