I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
