Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
