How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I want to walk on stilts...naked
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Randomize
