were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
