kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
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