1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
