is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
