woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
