yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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