I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
