so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
