Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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