i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
My vagina is officially offended.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
