is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
