____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
