Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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