he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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