she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
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