You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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