five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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