Your mouth is God's brothel.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
