He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
