you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
