I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I DEMAND FORESKIN
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
