you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
