im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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