At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
