ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
