it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I got inside last night via doggy door
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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