Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
