and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
