Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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