I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
