Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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