wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
