Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
