We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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