I have demons in me.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
