It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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