So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
