I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
