If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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