Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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