My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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