when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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