the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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