So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Apparently you make a good broom.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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