piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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