is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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