ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Couch. On fire.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
