I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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