I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize