I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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