And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
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