just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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