Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
you never un-have a 4some
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Randomize