I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Randomize
