im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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