This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize