I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
My sheets look like a crime scene.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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