No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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