is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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