I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
