You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize