Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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