I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
