She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
