We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
