Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
