gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
