Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
