trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
